Translation by Yehoshua Siskin
Once at the start of the school year, Rabbi Michel Yehuda Lefkowitz, the head of a yeshiva, was asked by one of his teachers to berate a student. "I have not yet shown him enough love to say something critical," the rabbi responded.
This message contains an important truth: Criticism is appropriately given out of concern based on closeness and love. Only where a deep connection with someone already exists is it fitting to register our disapproval.
This is exactly what Moshe Rabbeinu teaches us in the book of Devarim (Deuteronomy) that we begin to read this week. He critiques the nation about to enter the Promised Land, yet shows respect and love for his people in the process -- not from a stance of "I'll show them" but from a desire to direct and perfect them, to raise them up to what they can truly be.
Regarding children's education, marriage, and all of our relationships with others: Before we criticize, we would do well to ask: What is our motive? Have we given enough love to justify our disapproval?
